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Ashton is quickly becoming the new Gruffin. Her first phalloplasty failed after a singular standing pee, following catheter removal, even though they’d prepared the urethra in her arm for some time prior to the initial phalloplasty. So she underwent a cheek graft and now has an open-faced sandwich phalloplasty that she has to put neosporin on multiple times a day for six months before they will attempt to close it. She claims that despite this, she has returned to peeing normally, though she stated she is sitting to pee due to hot dog mode. As a result of the removal of the inside of her cheek to make this new urethra, per this report, she has lost partial function in her lips and is rushing to accept that it is a permanent loss, which I argue is too soon to know especially without proper evaluation from a qualified speech-language pathologist or other relevant specialist such as a surgeon who specializes in microsurgery or an ENT.
The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. It is very common for a grieving person to resist one or more of the stages, which can complicate and prolong the grief. Ashton appears to be resisting the sadness and the anger and overindulging in denial, bargaining and acceptance. I also tend to get stuck with not wanting to feel the more difficult emotions of sadness and anger, denying them, and becoming preoccupied with bargaining and rushed acceptance.
With my loss in 2021, I could not get past the denial phase until I could picture what happened, which did not happen until I learned details in 2022, and at that point the more difficult emotions hit. I tried to push through them (denial), and keep on keeping on, but I found a part of me, that I needed to cooperate with, just refused to function. I needed to actually take a break and truly focus on healing. I am doing much better now, but I am not over it. With my loss in 2016, it took much longer to accept as I had redirected the anger towards myself in an attempt to bargain and deny the sadness legitimacy and therefore not have to experience it. Grief is a profoundly human experience and awareness of the stages of grief and the normalcy of having differential levels of difficulty with certain stages due to your unique personality and the significance of the loss to you can facilitate the grieving process. But it takes time to work through, and such insight can only be gained through experience.
This experience is likely the worst thing that has ever happened to Ashton and may be the worst thing that will ever happen to her. She’s either engaged or recently married, and now she cannot kiss her partner in the same way she once could. She also lost her ability to eat uncooked baby carrots, which she’s said were a daily snack and likely a comfort food. This is a loss neither she nor her partner will stop noticing on a daily basis. Chewing food is a fundamental and routine source of pleasure which we must engage with many times a day. She may minimize it, but she will learn with time the true value of what has been stolen from her.
She’s bargaining with the grief by refusing to acknowledge the regret she clearly feels, holding onto the idea that it was necessary and her choice, because to admit to the rage at the doctors who misled her so terribly and robbed her of such an intimate physical connection with her lover and with life, will be very difficult. I am a safe target, as she needs nothing from me and never consented to my politically incorrect and rude reaction videos, so she can get angry at me and expect community support in that process. She knows what would happen if she were to condemn the doctors and term disgusting the greasy aftermath in her pants, which she now tends to 5 times a day.
Other videos featuring Ashton:
Pain Dulce
No-Eyed Trouser Snake the Movie
The Hotdog with No Hallway
Updates on Ashton, Pigeons and Gruffin
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