Here we have a woman who outgrew her dysphoria after taking testosterone and removing her breasts. She struggles now with the grief over the fact that no one was able to help her in a way that didn’t require she change herself. So at this point in her healing, trans was still what kept her alive, not herself. They saved her and she was saved.
She was the patent, acted upon, not the survivor willing to do anything if it meant getting thrive the night and staying on this rock. She's realizing that her authentic detrans self is not taken seriously. Because the ideology is an authority she's not ready to challenge, she blames the transphobic detransitioners for the fact her emotional needs are still not being met by the trans community and its allies. She’s not yet named that anger at being blatantly lied to about her possible prognosis. She is still in a denial mode where she does not regret the permanent changes even in the absence of the reason for them.
I also used to say I didn’t regret my transition and that I merely outgrew it, but eventually the warm glow of reclaiming your womanhood has to be seen alongside the fact that the cure I was sold was alleged to be the only answer. I had to be willing to look at the harm that was done unnecessarily. Time was also a cure. Some do grow out of it. Yet the experts pretend otherwise. They told me it was permanent when it wasn’t ever proven to be so. They told me I would always feel this way completely without justification.
Now we know we could have waited for it to resolve. Now one must question, did the hormones actually delay that maturation process by which we outgrew dysphoria? I believe so. The hormones disrupt your awareness of your uncomfortable predicament, so you feel less emotional pain, at the cost of reduced emotional processing and therefore personal growth. When all the while, watchful waiting and supportive care for safety and healing would have led to the same outcome, minus the bodily injuries and loss of function
I hope this woman finds her way to support groups at organizations like Genspect and Beyond Trans.
